Anonymous
Good day.

I have been very troubled lately. Last July I tried something new and I decided to join a gay dating site. I chatted with people there but I don't do meet-ups 'coz I know how risky it is. But then one day I chatted with someone whom I think is decent and professional enough for me to at least give the guy I chance. We decided to have a meet-up. He was nice and charming. I didn't expect to someone like that on a dating site. We became really good friends. Then one night, out of lust I guess, we did it.

The oral sex was unprotected and the anal ( I was the bottom ) was protected. He even fingered me. I promised myself that it will not happen again but we did again.. twice. The second one was only mutual masturbation and he fingered me again. The third one was another unprotected oral sex.


After all the fun I suddenly got worried when a friend asked me one day: "ARE YOU SURE HE IS CLEAN?" Thoughts came into my mind. WHAT IF HE IS NOT CLEAN? I immediately asked him about his past sex life but he didn't oblige to go into detail. I got so paranoid that I researched facts about HIV. I really got more nervous when I recently got a cold [ 10 weeks after the first experience, 8 weeks after the second one, and 4 days after the third one ], ( runny nose, sneezing, mild fever [38.2]). The fever lasted for only a day since I took paracetamol to cool down my fever but my runny nose lasted for almost a week. 2 weeks before that I got some sort of cough with phlegm with wheezing ( I have history of asthma but it remained dormant for years now and I was wondering why it recurred just now..) and runny nose also.

I was requesting him to take an HIV test for me but he is hesitant because of his busy schedule.

As I read articles, online forums, and other websites dedicated to HIV [ since I am intensively searching the net about HIV for months now!], my case was just a low risk exposure. But I am still worried because before the fingering he continuously rubbed his penis against my anus (unprotected) and I am afraid that some of his pre-ejaculate entered inside my anus during the fingering. I am so PARANOID RIGHT NOW 'coz I am not used to this. I just wanna try something new and I never hooked up with ANYONE before him.

Do you think my case was a reason for high concern though there was no unprotected anal sex involved?

Is common cold and those other things I am experiencing in the past few days a typical sign of HIV?

Can asthma reoccur during ARS?

I am planning to have an HIV as soon as I am finish with my window period. As of now, I just want to vent out what I feel. I have never been so ANXIOUS and down in my life before this happened and I regret that I put myself in this type of situation.

Thank you.
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Anonymous
Hello there and thank you for using the AIDS Vancouver Helpline as your source of HIV-related information.

First of all, thank you for sharing your concern with us. I will try my best to address them and hopelly at the end of this, your stress level somewhat lowers.

Mutual masturbation is no risk.
Frottage (rubbing penis against anus), fingering and giving oral sex are a negligible; this means there has never been a reported case of HIV infection in this way although there may be an exchange of bodily fluids during these activities.
Safer/protected sex is a low risk; however, there is n way the virus/bacteria can go through latex, polyurethane or nitrile as long as a condom is used properly and there is no breakage or slipping off of it.
You did everything right to ensure safety of yourself and your partner.

Let's move on to symptoms.
Because there are no clinically defined symptoms of HIV, HIV can only be diagnosed with testing. Some people may experience strong flu-like symptoms (with high fever) 2-6 weeks after the point of infection, lasting for up to 7-10 days. But most people do not experience anything at all.
You asking him to get tested will not tell you about your status. If you want to know your status, you need to be tested, not him. If you have not been tested, I encourage you to do so; it's been more than 3 months, thus a result will be conclusive and definite. We also indicate people whether people are getting tested regularly or not; not being clean or not clean.

The internet is a great source of information, but we need to be mindful which to read and trust. After all, all the people with the internet access can create, edit and update information, which means not all information is accurate and reliable. If you can help it, I encourage you to stop Googling; it seems like it is not serving you better.
In addition to that, being scared and paranoid is not a solution; it is important to educate yourself about HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and have some ownership to your sexual health so that you can make the best decision for yourself and your partner(s). We also encourage all sexually active people to get tested regularly for all STIs as a routine check-up. It may be every 3-4 months, bi-annually or annually, depending on one's lifestyle.

Hopefully you find the information helpful.
Let us know if you have further concerns/questions.

Stay healthy and keep smiling,
Yoshiko
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