I am a 60+ y/o married man who has been curious about m2m sex and had my first ever encounter on November 14, 2015. I am asking this question since 12 days after the encounter I experienced "flu-like" symptoms. While I believe that everything I engaged in is considered "safe sex" I am concerned since I do not know the status of the other man who is several years older and have recently learned that he is promiscuous. Note that due to prostate surgery he cannot ejaculate semen but does produce pre cum. I apologize if I am being overly detailed but here's a full account of the encounter so you can better asses the situation:

1. We fondled each other and I believe I did sense a little pre cum on his penis which touched the palm of my had (NO RISK?).
2. Thereafter I put on a surgical latex glove and fingered his anus. I do not know if the lubricant was water or oil based but I am certain that the glove remained intact (NO RISK?).
3. After digital penetration I inserted one of his sex toys into his anus. I picked it up with the ungloved hand but did all the manipulation with the gloved hand (NO RISK?). During this time I also began to masturbate him with the ungloved hand but he insisted on finishing by masturbating himself (NO RISK?). But he did NOT release any semen ejaculate on his climax due to his medical condition.
4. I carefully removed and disposed the intact the latex glove (NO RISK?). But for whatever reason I removed the sex toy with my ungloved hand after he reached for it with right hand. So his right hand must have been near his anal area for a few second. And while my I don't believe my index finger and thumb penetrated his anus it did feel moist around his peri-anal area... perhaps more from excess lubricant than any rectal-related body fluids but I can't be sure. My finger had dry (perhaps cracked?) skin so this is a key reason why I am concerned (RISK UNCLEAR?)
5. He then proceeded to masturbate me with the same right hand he used to masturbate himself and had placed near his anal area as noted above (NO or NEGLIGIBLE RISK?)

I should reiterate that I did not have any cuts or scrapes of any sort on either of my hands... just the dry slightly cracked skin on my fingers... and I did not see any cuts or scrapes of any sort on his. Also, I did not see any blood or anything else suspicious on the intact latex glove or the sex toy after they were removed from his anus.

When I left his apartment I felt relieved that after all these years I finally had a "safe" m2m encounter. From everything I had read before the encounter I believe everything that we did is considered safe sex with theoretical risk if any. Again. there was no oral sex or anal intercourse or kissing of any kind. I very badly want to believe that the flu-like symptoms I experienced was a coincidence. But I am concerned that I might have misjudged the safety of my encounter; especially since I subsequently learned that he is promiscuous. I would greatly appreciate the forum's help on this since I am getting more and more depressed as the 12 week mark for Oraquick IV testing is now at hand. Do you recommend testing or can I put this all behind me? Thanks for your help!!
Hi there,thanks for contacting the AIDS Vancouver helpline with your HIV related questions and concerns. We're happy to help!

I'm sorry you've been concerned about this situation, but I hope my answer will help to ease any worries and clarify things for you. I'm going to address your points one by one assessing the risk levels like you have stated.

1)This is No Risk like you have said. This is because HIV is a weak virus that cannot survive outside of the human body. Upon exposure to the outside environment, it becomes damaged and inactivated and can no longer be passed on. Additionally, the hand wouldn't provide access to the blood stream.

2)Technically, fingering is considered a Negligible Risk which means that although you could make a case for it, there hasn't been a single confirmed report of transmission in this way. This is referring however to unprotected fingering. If you were wearing a glove, this can be considered No Risk. Either way, we do not recommend necessary testing for only Negligible Risk exposures anyways.

3)This is also No Risk. Handjobs are also No Risk

4) This is all again No Risk for the reason stated in #1. Additionally, it's important to note that cracked/dry skin doesn't provide access to the blood stream that would be necessary for an HIV infection. In fact, even most cuts do not provide direct access to the bloodstream, as in order to do so, a wound needs to be rather severe such as one that requires immediate medical attention such as stitches, or is gushing blood.

5) Again, handjobs are No Risk, even with any bodily fluids present on the hand (because the virus would be inactivated).

Overall, you had a no risk encounter! There is no need for testing in this particular situation! The symptoms you experienced are more than likely coincidental, especially since basically any viral or bacterial infections cause these symptoms, and it is cold/flu season. Additionally just to note, kissing is No Risk, receiving oral sex is Negligible risk and giving oral sex/protected penetrative sex is low risk.

I hope this helped! Please check out this website for great information about HIV transmission:

Additionally, this transmission equation may be useful:


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• blood (including menstrual) • unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse • vagina
• semen • sharing needles • anus
• pre-cum • mother to child (in specific cases) • urethra in the penis
• rectal secretions • open cuts and sores (in theory)
• vaginal fluids • other mucosal membranes
• breast milk • points of needle injection


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