I am a 60+ y/o married man who has been curious about m2m sex and had my first ever encounter on November 14, 2015. I am asking this question since 12 days after the encounter I experienced "flu-like" symptoms. While I believe that everything I engaged in is considered "safe sex" I am oncerned since I do not know the status of the other man who is several years older and have recently learned that he is promiscuous. Note that due to prostate surgery he cannot ejaculate semen but does produce pre cum. I apologize if I am being overly detailed but here's a full account of the encounter so you can better asses the situation:

1. We fondled each other and I believe I did sense a little pre cum on his penis which touched the palm of my had (NO RISK?).
2. Thereafter I put on a surgical latex glove and fingered his anus. I do not know if the lubricant was water or oil based but I am certain that the glove remained intact (NO RISK?).
3. After digital penetration I inserted one of his sex toys into his anus. I picked it up with the ungloved hand but did all the manipulation with the gloved hand (NO RISK?). During this time I also began to masturbate him with the ungloved hand but he insisted on finishing by masturbating himself (NO RISK?). But he did NOT release any semen ejaculate on his climax due to his medical condition.
4. I carefully removed and disposed the intact the latex glove (NO RISK?). But for whatever reason I removed the sex toy with my ungloved hand after he reached for it with right hand. So his right hand must have been near his anal area for a few second. And while my I don't believe my index finger and thumb penetrated his anus it did feel moist around his peri-anal area... perhaps more from excess lubricant than any rectal-related body fluids but I can't be sure. My finger had dry (perhaps cracked?) skin so this is a key reason why I am concerned (RISK UNCLEAR?)
5. He then proceeded to masturbate me with the same right hand he used to masturbate himself and had placed near his anal area as noted above (NO or NEGLIGIBLE RISK?)

I should reiterate that I did not have any cuts or scrapes of any sort on either of my hands... just the dry slightly cracked skin on my fingers... and I did not see any cuts or scrapes of any sort on his. Also, I did not see any blood or anything else suspicious on the intact latex glove or the sex toy after they were removed from his anus.

When I left his apartment I felt relieved that after all these years I finally had a "safe" m2m encounter. From everything I had read before the encounter I believe everything that we did is considered safe sex with theoretical risk if any. Again. there was no oral sex or anal intercourse or kissing of any kind. I vry badly want to believe that the flu-like symptoms I experienced was a coincidence. But I am concerned that I might have misjudged the safety of my encounter; especially since I subsequently learned that he is promiscuous. I would greatly appreciate the forum's help on this since I am getting more and more depressed as the 12 week mark for Oraquick HIV testing is now at hand. Do you recommend testing or can I put this all behind me? Thanks for your help!!
Hi there and thank you for contacting the AIDS Vancouver Online Helpline.

The total risk from the encounter you described can be considered to be negligible. I will go over the risk associated with each activity below:

1.) Handjobs are considered to be negligible risk. This means that there has never been a reported case of someone acquiring HIV in this manner in British Columbia.

2.) Fingering is also considered to be a negligible risk.

3.) Using unshared sex toys (so assuming that the sex toy was only used for penetration on him, it was not used on you) is considered to be no risk.

4.) Skin to skin contact and touching objects (the glove or toy) with bodily fluids on them is no risk. When HIV in bodily fluids (such as semen or blood) is exposed to the air it becomes non-transmissible. Any bodily fluids on the glove or toy or his hand would not contain transmissible HIV.

5.) Handjobs, even if he had some bodily fluid on his hands, are still negligible risk.

Having dry, cracked, skin or small cuts on your hands or other places does not increase your risk.

In regards to testing, because the risk level of the sexual experience you described is negligible it is not necessary to get tested if you don't wish to do so. However, it is always recommended to get regular testing done if you are sexually active to know your status and for your health.

For more information about HIV you can visit or the AIDS Vancouver website.

I hope this information helps to answer your questions.

Isla (Volunteer)

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